Saturday 8/15

Last night I had the strangest dream, but it wasn’t about peace. Well, except for the kind when you’re dead.
It’s really kind of embarrassing, me being a teacher and all, but I guess I’m only human, right.
It must have been all my monster movies because I dreamed I ran into one of my students, and she’d become a vampire. (Gotta love the subtle symbolism) So of course, she attacked me, I mean here I was soft old teacher lady, and I was scared. I thought my heart had stopped. I was frozen, Lean Cusine, solid.
Then, from nowhere, as she leaned over me all gothic and teethy, I had this surge of energy. No, it was more like another person had taken control of me and like magic I had a number two pencil jamming it right through her heart, and poof! Dust!
Oh god it felt good, like “good” good. Like after . . . well, like after something really good.
I’m a terrible person; that’s all there is to it. I enjoyed that feeling way to much. I don’t think Freud would think I should be allowed around kids, even teenagers. Oh but in the dream, she was evil, purest death. And I ruled it.
Yes, it was powerful. All day after that, I had to keep reminding myself the whole thing wasn’t real.

Thursday 8/13

Why was it I wanted to teach? Did I want people throwing paper wads at me? Did I want to yell at kids all day or watch them fall asleep as soon as I open my mouth? I’m loosing my mind. We’ve got the state tests in just 4 weeks and I can’t get the kids to care.
Maybe I’m just tired. The baby has been so cranky this week, and I swear my hormones are roaring around like a roller coaster. Last night I started balling watching the biography of Jimmy Carter; this morning I scarfed down a whole box of Nutty Butties. Plus hubby’s been out of town all week, and I couldn’t bare to take the little one to the gym. The last time I was there, there were 14 kids and one little high school kid taking care of all of them.
I thought I might take the little nipper out for a stroll when we got home, but by the time we had the groceries bought and put away at home, it was dark, and I was wiped out. It was probably too chilly anyway.
A conundrum, a rock and a hard place, modern life. Hopefully life will slow down a bit eventually and I’ll find some time for me. It’s a small thing, but there will be a monster movie marathon this weekend – Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula, Daughter of Dracula, Son of Dracula, Dracula and Wolfman . . . all my favorites. If things workout, I’ll carve out a few hours. Just me, some munchies and the tube.